Wednesday, 16 January 2013
A Lonely Traveler
If life was analogous to a journey, then I am indeed a lonely traveler. I have a confession to make
that is rather embarrassing. I have never found love in my life. I have fallen in love, yes. But I have
neverhad my feelings reciprocated. I have made overtures to exquisite specimens of the opposite
gender in a gentlemanly manner, but I have not succeeded. When I look at my inability to attract
girls, I think it reveals something about myself. Something of my character.
For the longest time, I would blame this deficiency on me. I would find the excuse that I am simply
not good looking enough, or that I simply lack personality. But recently I have come to realize one
thing. The excuses that I make up to explain away my romantic failings indicate one thing. A lack
of self-confidence on my part. Since I lacked confidence, I have already lost in some ways.
When I approached those girls to ask them out, I did not exude that aura of confidence.
It is essentially the story of my life. I lacked the confidence to jump at opportunities that
life threw at me. When I was bullied in high school, I lacked the confidence to tell my bully
to back off. In my university career, I lacked the confidence to partake in various extra-curricular
But still my heart craves for love. It is funny, in my teenage years, I would indulge myself in various
sexual fantasies. But now, I often dream of holding a girl in my arms. I feel sort of empty. I have this
need of someone wanting me in their life and me wanting them.
As I tread this beaten path alone, maybe I will find a companion.